Drum circles in Goa

Landed in North Goa, Friday night, and when we arrived at our hotel in Anjuna, we were a little disappointed to find a beach polluted with plastic and restaurants playing bad techno music. We walked up and down the beach and heard drums in the distance and went on an adventure to find them.  The energy of this place was different so we went to explore and stumbled across an amazing circle of humans playing local Goan instruments. When we came over they invited us to play with them.  The beat seemed totally off to me at first... but then it genuinely felt like my heart started to connect with their rhythm and all of a sudden the sound made sense!  the night went from a bit dissapointing to one of the most soul enriching evenings I’ve ever had. Thank you to the drum circle for welcoming us with open arms and sharing your magic!  

Teaching in India Week 0, Day 1

Impromptu dance session with one of my small groups after class in our new meditation / class room. (One of my students captured the moment on my phone). These kids are so sweet and engaged... it's amazing. 

Today was the first day of our first full week together- so we're settling in nicely to our new schedule.

This week we are focussed on balance and relaxation and learning key anatomy and "American asana" terms (i.e. Pigeon toe your feet, and swan dive forward).

We're practicing the ashtanga sun salutation series and enjoying chanting (and singing) together.

We are also implementing rules of engagement to promote respect for self and others....and encouraging autonomy! It's a big one for these kids and I'm really curious to see how they respond moving forward.

Will keep you posted!

It's been a while

It's been a while since I updated this blog. There have been truly amazing experiences to reflect on, and yet I hesitated to do the reflection here on a blog. It's humbling and inspiring to see all of the people who have supported me along this journey, and yet even some of you who I am closest to don't know what it is that I've been up to. So since its been almost a year since I decided to take this journey, I figure it's prime time to reflect on what's happened and look ahead to the next couple of months. 

What I've been up to: Some highlights over the last year (without too many details)  

• Bali - 200hr Yoga teacher training  
• Bali - panchakarma 
• Bali - Silent retreat  
• Japan - 24 layover to visit Tokyo fish market  
• Ecuador - seeds of seva yoga retreat  
• Ecuador -  apprenticeship w/ shaman (mamma rosa)
• USA - 4 winds 300hr energy medicine training
• USA - Adyashanti week of silence retreat 
• Greece - integration  
• Israel - studied Kabbalah  
• Israel - mid-burn (local burning man) 
• Greece- integration (again) 
•  Czech Republic - Tomas & Jana's wedding!
• Switzerland - Vipassana 10 day Buddhist silent meditation  
• Germany - integration  
• USA - time with family  
• USA - burning man  
• USA - Bhakti fest  
• Iceland - watched northern lights  
• Israel - visited friends  
• Germany  - mitochondrial medicine treatments in the Black Forest 
• Switzerland - touring around   
• Germany - integration  
• USA - holidays with the family 

This past year has consisted of incredible highs and equivalent lows, and has gifted me the opportunity to reflect on the importance of balance and equilibrium in my own life. I feel incredibly grateful for the opportunities I've had, and the gift of appreciating this amazing life I am living (that we all are living)! 

One of the most amazing opportunities I've been given is to really sit in the unknown. Like many folks I've spoken with, the unknown has never been a particularly comfortable place for me. I've always pushed and maneuvered to try and make things fit so that there's always been a "clear" direction for my life. Prior to my silent meditation retreats, sitting still for 10-15 minutes was so difficult because everything in my mind and body would scream "why aren't you doing something with your life... you're wasting time!!"  While I still hear myself thinking this from time to time, I'm really exploring sitting in the discomfort of not knowing, and allowing myself to stay open to when the "right opportunities" present themselves. 

Another beautiful lesson I've encountered is that I don't have to "do" anything or "be" anywhere specific to be happy. And that the most amazing thing I can do is be fully present. Happiness for me now isn't the removal of pain and suffering from my life, it's the perspective I take on it. It's been wildly powerful to shift from saying - 'my circumstances need to change for me to be happy / content / enough, etc....' to: 'when my perspective around my circumstances shifts and I can be present with what's showing up, I can appreciate how amazing this life and moment are.' I still get upset and annoyed and feel all the feels, and I'm certainly not an expert yet at shifting my perspective to being fully present... but the awareness and practice of this concept have been life changing for me. 

I continue to reflect on how what I've been doing over the past year will integrate into my life moving forward, both personally and professionally, and am very excited by a few opportunities that are popping up! 

 So what's next?  

INDIA!!! I was invited to teach Yoga (asana, pranayama, and meditation) as part of a cultural exchange initiative for students in India! I will be in India for around 2 months and am so excited to share the experiences with you all.  While my internet connection may not be ideal, I'll try to connect and share whenever appropriate and possible! 

I'm running away to Colombia (for a day)

Last night I participated in a really special ceremony with Shamans who came into town from Colombia. 

Serendipity: Last Saturday I went to a sweat lodge that a healer I'm working with, Giovanni, invited me to. Momma Rosa and I shared a taxi on my way and were discussing different ceremonies and whether or not I should participar in any. Not 10 minutes into arriving at the sweat lodge did someone mention they were participating in ceremony on Monday and invited me to join. I'd originally planned to go to Peru to partake in similar ceremony and changed my plans to stay and study in Ecuador, where the opportunity found me. I'm feeling so fortunate to be consciously experiencing this perfect unfolding of moments.

​The ceremony: it was amazing.  It was a wonderful group of people sharing in song, love, and healing. I was the only female participant and the shamans wife and I became very close. It was like she was aware of everything I'd need even before I knew it. I really enjoyed working with both her and her husband so much. The ceremony took place in the beautiful nature reserve of one of the participants and it was a spectacular all night event. When we woke up in the morning the view that greated us was breathtaking. 

We got to the ceremony in the back of a "tuk tuk" esk truck. 

A blurry view of our chariot  

The view of where the ceremony took place  

Following shamans to Colombia: ​I loved the shaman couple so much that I'm taking them up on their offer to come back with them and stay at their house in Colombia for two days starting tomorrow. It will be me and the two very tall polish men who participated in the ceremony and it should be a blast!!

shaman selfie

I should be back in Ecuador for carnival and then I have less than a week until I head to California for more shamanic training. 

Valentine's Day self love

 

 Happy Valentine's Day, I love you all. Regardless of your relationship status, today is a great opportunity to reflect on self love. Knowing, healing, and loving ourselves is  the most selfless thing that we can do for ourselves and for the world. Recently I've learned that only through truly knowing and loving ourselves, can we fully be present to love others.

I came into my most recent journey with a lot of subconscious self-hate and had a tendency to value and put others' desires and perspectives before my own. Through my work over the past couple of months, one of my biggest awarenesses came during a chakra meditation and it was simple but profound:

• I must first get to truly know and listen to myself (3rd chakra)

• So that I can then love myself (the light, the dark, the love, the fear, all of it) without  judgement and unconditionally (4th chakra

• From there I can communicate my truth (5th chakra) without shame or guilt (1st and 2nd chakra)

• And only then will I be in genuine and supportive relationship with myself and then others.

I developed the story / belief that putting others first was selfless, and that it was somehow better / more meaningful to receive love (validation, acceptance, affection, etc ...) from others than from myself. I now know that these beliefs are false. While it's easy enough to say it's tougher to do, but I will continue to work to love myself fully and do what I need to do for me, so that I can then show up for others more fully.

I share this awareness because I believe it's true for everyone. We must first love and honor all aspects of ourselves and be able to fill and love ourselves before we can fully show up in relation to others.

Wishing you love today and every day 

Medicine woman apprenticeship begins

I'm here in Ecuador, outside of Otavalo in the Andean mountains. It's the full moon eclipse tonight and with that blessing I'm starting my apprenticeship with the amazing medicine woman and midwife, Doña Rosita (aka Momma Rosa) 

This apprenticeship came as a surprise after I met Momma Rosa on my sister Dani's inagural Seeds of Seva retreat (which was amazing).  After our initial connection she invited me to stay with her and learn about her form of shamanism. I'm feeling so excited and simultaneously nervous about this opportunity and can't wait to see how it continues to unfold! 

How the opportunity unfolded....  

 I met Momma Rosa on our first full day of the retreat, when she came to do an Andean cleanse for the group. My energy was low from doing a lot of traveling (Bali - Manila - Tokyo - LA - MIA - Quito - Otavalo in 5 days!) and from processing / integrating my yoga teacher training, the panchakarma, and week of silence I'd just experienced in Bali. As a result I had a VERY intense reaction to the Andean cleans.   (nausea, shivering, headache) 

Being cleansed by Momma Rosa's daughter in law, Ana Marie.   

After the cleanse, while momma Rosa was helping to take care of me, I mentioned that I was planning to study shamanism.. she looked at me and said "muy bien... y los espíritus van a molestarte mucho mucho"  (that's good- and the spirits / energy are going to harass you a lot).  To be honest it didn't have me feeling so great about my decision to continue down that path. 

Momma Rosa giving us all rose water after the Andean cleanse for luck and protection

The next day we were working in plant nursery with Doña Rosita's community and I still wasn't feeling well so she gave me some herbs to make a tea with when I got home. 

Me with some of the community members

After drinking the tea I had another really intense energetic and physical experience that knocked me out for almost 2 days, so I was unfortunately unable to go back to the community for our second day of service and plant medicine workshops.  So I was very surprised with what happened on our last day together for the retreat. 

 Momma Rosa gave me a serpent at our potluck

Momma Rosa starting our community dinner. An Ecuadorian potluck 

On our last day with the community we volunteered with the local preschoolers and their parents. It was one of the most beautiful days of my life. The little kids had so much life and energy so I loved being around them, especially since I was still not feeling 100%. In fact, when I arrived at the preschool- I had to stay back from the group because my energy was still getting drained.

But as I worked with the kids my energy shifted, then momma Rosa got there for our community dinner  and EVERYTHING changed. 

I was so really caught off guard when Momma Rosa asked my sister and mom to gather around me during our potluck dinner, because she wanted to present me with something. She said that she had felt the power and energy shamanism in me, and she wanted to present me with the serpent totem of power from the amazon and a blessing to support me on my journey to study shamanism /  healing. I honestly don't remember much of the blessing and am so grateful someone caught it on camera, because it was all a blur. I do remember that when she put the serpent to my head I felt heat and a flash of yellow exploded in my forehead. The rest of the evening was filled with dancing and laughing and community bonding and it was truly wonderful. 

 A photo from my two new best friends after a day of volunteering at Momma Rosa's community preschool.  

 Then we went to a waterfall for more cleansing 

 Me and my serpent during our waterfall cleanse  

The next day my sister Dani, her co-facilitator / our friend Sharon, and I went with Momma Rosa and Ana Marie to a waterfall for a post retreat cleanse. My energy was feeling much better and I still didn't have formalized plans / a flight booked for what to do after the retreat. In the car on the way to the waterfall I asked Momma Rosa if I were able to make arrangements to stay a little longer if I could spend some time learning about Shamanism from her... that's when she invited me to stay with her in her home and work with her in the hospital to experience being a midwife, and then go on weekends to waterfalls, lakes, and mountains to awaken my Shamanic energy. To which I said... Yes please!! 

The cleanse was truly amazing. Momma Rosa is the pure embodiment of "power house" and at one moment she was standing in front of the waterfall with her (much larger) version of my serpent ... and I was sitting above her on the waterfall with my baby serpent and it was as if by osmosis the knowledge of how to harness energy through these totems was beginning to transfer. And so began my apprenticeship with Momma Rosa. 

 Tonight I moved in  

Momma Rosa, Ana Marie and Nester (Ana Marie's husband / MR's son) came to bring me to my new home this afternoon. They wasted 0 time initiating me- 2 minutes into meeting them in the lobby my hair was wrapped in a traditional indigenous pony tail. They taught me that the indigenous women wrap their hair and wear it in a low pony tail at the back of their heads because the hair stores a lot of energy this way. 

My hair wrapped in a ribbon that matches my Serpent!  

In a flash we were putting my luggage in the car. The 5 of us and all my bags were not going to fit into Nestor's small car- so, naturally, Nestor secured my luggage on top of the roof with Momma Rosa and Anne Marie's scarfs. 

I got such a kick out of how Nestor and the ladies secured my luggage- I'm used to bungie chords but here scarves work just as well!  

My physical transformation is completed with a new name to match

I arrived to my new home (a very simple home made of concrete with a shared bathroom outside) and one of Momma Rosa's patients was already there waiting for us. I got to sit in on my first consultation, after which Momma Rosa swiftly brought me into her "other daughter"s room and found "proper clothing" for me to wear. 

Me, momma Rosa, and Ana Marie in my new bedroom 

My name "Marni" is not easy for many Spanish speakers to say... so when my new family asked if I had any other names I gave them my Hebrew name "Michaela". Momma Rosa decided that from now on I am to be called "Michaelita". Adding "ita" at the end of word is meant as a term of endearment... adding it also meant that a name that I'm already not so familiar with using is now even more foreign... eek

In closing...

It's been a very exciting and nerve wracking first night. My brain already hurts from all of the Spanish - and sometimes my new family speaks in a mix or Spanish / Cechua (the indigenous Andean dialect) called "Media Langua" so I can't tell if it's because my Spanish isn't so great or if it's because they're not actually speaking Spanish that I can't understand them. But regardless my new family is so loving and welcoming and I'm hoping that the communication gap continues to get smaller. 

So tonight's full moon is all about new beginnings and a lot of change for me. I am genuinely excited for my new name, wardrobe, home, family, language(s), and apprenticeship and look forward to what the next few weeks have in store for me! 

 *Note that I mentioned a few time about when my energy got low / I wasn't feeling great - and that I've been nervous along the journey . I'm sharing these experiences and feelings because I want to be honest that this path I'm on has ups and downs. In my opinion, they're absolutely worth it...  I also want to be very transparent and not romanticize the experience along the way.  

Last day of PK reflecting on how I got here

On a hike through the Tagalalang rice fields 5 minutes from my PK.   

Today I left my panchakarma after 28 days. FB just reminded me that 3 years ago today I made my first appearance out with girl friends after officially breaking off my engagement once I learned that my fiancé was gay and had been exploring his truth outside of the constructs of our relationship. The fact that he'd been cheating on me is something I haven't shared on social media before... I've told myself it is out of respect for him... but if I'm honest it's also because I've held shame and guilt around the experience. I'm finally ready to let go of that shame and share about my experiences. 

It's amazing to think of where I was then versus where I am now. I knew I was going to be ok and felt sure in my ability to move on, even relieved to be out of what had, unbeknownst to me, become a codependent and emotionally abusive  relationship...

I felt simultaneously broken. I was hurting. The stories I'd used to define myself ('fiance', 'in love', 'strong', 'in an honest and caring / special relationship') no longer seemed to apply. My self worth was so tied into my relationship that deep down a part of me shattered when the relationship ended and I began to build walls around myself/ my heart.  Then a deeper truer part of me started to awaken.

Today, 3 years later, I'm finally honestly exploring and healing the wounds left over from that experience and finding gratitude for the "failure" of my relationship and the experiences I had. It was a huge (if not the biggest) influencer in pushing me onto the path of self awareness and autonomy.  I leave my panchakarma today with a sense that, while my work is not nearly over, I'm on the right path!

Feeling happy and excited to continue on this journey post PK! 

2 days to go in PK

I can't believe I only have 2 more days of my 28 day panchakarma left.

Post shirodhara bliss  

Here I am in post treatment bliss. I'm starting to feel exponentially more blissful after treatments these days, though it's still not all rainbows and butterflies all the time. For a while I felt like I was letting my friends/family down when they'd ask me things like "do you have so much energy all the time" "is it the best you've ever felt".... because the answer at least 75% of the time is "nope.. not even close".

There are days I don't want to get out of bed because of the emotional or physical stuff that comes up. My skin breaks out, my aches and pains pop up, I get headaches... all the fun stuff.

And there are a lot of other days that don't feel particularly transformative or special either way.

Then there are the days and moments filled with self awareness and boundless energy and bliss.

What I'm learning is that this is all completely to be expected and I'm actively practicing "loving and accepting the process". Given the length of time that I've been cleansing, it could take up to 2 months after I leave my PK before I start to feel all of the benefits settling in. I'm not saying this as a "whoa is me" thing... I'm saying it because i want to be honest about the fact that this path towards self awareness and self love can be a bumpy one... but I think it's worth it in the end. So in the mean time I'll keep practicing acceptance and faith that things are unfolding perfectly.

Vlog Panchakarma update day 19 of 28

Hi everyone! It's been a long time since my last update... as I've been really trying to engage fully in my Panchakarma experience.   

Today was a really great day, my energy is moving through my body beautifully, I led a wonderful meditation class, and I'm feeling really happy and grounded. Not every day is a good day during a 28 day cleanse and yet I'm super grateful for every moment and the tough lessons that come up along the way.  

Here's a Vlog talking about what I'm up to... what Panchakarma is... and what's coming up on my journey.  

ps- the head wrap is part of a treatment I had today (though I'm seriously considering it as my new look 😉)  

I've been practicing yoga almost every day for the past month so I decided to record one of the core strengthening flows I'm really enjoying!

Sending everyone love from beautiful Bali!!  

Day 3 YTT "vlog"

Hey friends. Sharing my view from the YTT breakfast cafe and a little update on how things are going! 

The most perfect day

This evening marks the beginning of my Yoga Teacher Training, and today was the most perfect day imaginable.  

My sister and I visited the "Yoga City" in the northern mountains of Bali.

There we started our day with yoga (pranayama, asana, and meditation)

followed by a trek through rain forest and fields of hydrangeas

the hike lead us to a beautiful (I'm talking breathtaking) waterfall,  where we frolicked and bathed in the water

when we got out it started to rain... so naturally our guide made us umbrellas made from banana leafs! 

The day was filled with amazing people, lots of laughing, and so many positive vibes. Feeling humbled, grateful, and ready to start my YTT! 

Thanksgiving

Today is day two in Bali and it's also Thanksgiving in the U.S.

In the spirit of thanksgiving - I'm feeling overwhelmed with gratitude for the opportunity to take this time and explore my passions and my truth. I'm grateful for the strength to step off of the beaten path and the support of my friends and family in doing so. 

I'm simultanteously saddened by the hate and violence that seem pervasive back in the U.S. Stories of the division of our nation after the latest presidential election and what's happening in standing rock fill my social media news feeds and heavy my heart.  It feels to me as though history is repeating itself, in politics and in the treatment of our native people and their land. It's my hope that during this holiday season we can send out love to those who are hurting and try to elevate consciousness to put an end to these acts of fear, hate, and disconnection. 

Day 1 in Bali - smoothies on the beaches of Sanur

To New Beginnings

After a very lovely 14 hour flight on Cathay Pacific from SFO to HKG, I'm finally back in Asia!! Once my 4 hour layover is complete, I'll be on my way to Bali!

The significance of this Date

Memory of a FB Photo of welcome home balloons from my family when I came home from my last big trip with my ex.

While it's Nov 21st in the US (thus that's the date of this blog post) it's actually Nov 22nd here in HKG. Once I landed in HKG I realized the significance of the time that I chose to start my new journey (thanks to a facebook memory). On this day 3 years ago I was just getting back from 10 months of travel with my ex (then fiancé). If I'm honest with myself, I took that trip for him, because it's what he wanted to do, and not for me. While I'm eternally grateful for many of the experiences we had on that trip, and for the lessons I ultimately learned about myself/ my partner/ and the world, it was not a trip I wanted to take and it was among the most difficult 10 months of my life. And since I'm being honest, at the time I wouldn't have known what I wanted or how to get out of what I didn't want, because I didn't know who I was, and I was in denial that anything was wrong.

On that trip most of the decisions about where we went, what we did, how we spent our money, etc... were made by my ex. I don't "blame" him for controlling the trip and the relationship, I ultimately allowed it, and I try really hard not to beat myself up over allowing myself to go down that path with him.  How and why I allowed it to happen are themes I intend to continue to explore through self reflection on this trip.

That said, that time in my life is behind me and it's amazing how I feel like an entirely different person as I enter into my own big adventure! On this journey, my journey, I'm committed to listening to myself and doing what I want to do / what's right for me.   Here's to new beginnings and learning from past experiences!

Plans

"People plan, G-d laughs" -yiddish proverb

With only 2 days to go before the trip begins, it feels like an appropriate time to share my "plans" for the next few months, along with my intentions. 

A lot of people have asked "do you have everything planned out OR  will you be winging it?"...  The answer is "yes" :). I have a few key places / programs that I'd like to experience, a lot of flexible time, and an open mind / heart. I'm sure my plans will change along the way, and in the mean time below are my current "plans for my trip". 

****** 

Intention: Uncover the part of me that is fully healed so I can help facilitate the healing of others and beome clear in who I am, and my truth, so that I can do the most good in the world. 

•  Throughout my life I've been very sensitive and without boundaries. I didn't know what that meant until very recently. As many of us do, it turns out that I'd been picking up other people's feelings / desires (think of it like empathy). Since I didn't develop  appropriate boundaries, I began internalizing those external expectation as my own and became co-dependent... constantly searching for external validation.  In order to accept these external expectations as my own,  I began dismissing my intuition / core whenever they conflicted.  My goal now is to let go of any of those external expectations / desires that I've internalized as my own so that I can become more fully in touch with my truth. As I tap into my truth, I intend to establish appropriate boundaries so that I can leverage my innate sensitivity to work with others in a healthy and productive way!  
• With this new clarity I intend to uncover what's next for me after this transformative journey. Do I go back to consulting, do transition into a new career path (maybe one focused on healing / elevating consciousness), do I continue healing and learning full time? I don't have the answers yet but I'm excited to see what unfolds!

Approach: in true consulting form, once I created my vision/ objective, I came up with the 3 key phases of work to help me reach my goal. :)

1. Physical Body cleansing / strengthening 
2. Energetic Body cleansing / strengthening 
3. Knowlege and Skill development  

the idea behind these three phases in this particular order is that as I begin to eliminate layers and strengthen the physical and energetic bodies, I'll be more ready to receive and utilize new knowledge and skills. I believe that these three phases of my journey will overlap to an extent and may be cyclical. (In other words I imagine that I'll constantly be learning and healing throughout the trip/ life). That said, the goal of dividing my journey into 3 distinct intentions across linear time, is to ensure that I'm providing dedicated time and focus to each of these critical pillars of development in a way that sets me up for success to receive and grow at the next layer. It seems to me that only once I've dedicated energy to healing myself, can I then focus externally on actively helping others. 

Itinerary 

Nov - Jan (physical)  focus on physical discipline, exercise and diet

• where: Bali / South East Asia
• what:  Yoga Teacher Training, 21 day auyervedic cleanse (panchakarma), downtime travel with / physical training 

Jan - March (energetic): focus on self inquiry, meditation, and energetic cleanses

• where: South East Asia and South America  
• what: Andean cleanse / service retreat,  plant medicine ceremonies, regular meditation practices   

March - Jul (knowledge and skill) : focus on learning about wisdom traditions and healing techniques. 

• where: California and Israel  
• what: Energy medicine training course, Kabbalah studies 

Why it feels so great to stop playing it safe

My mother sent me this poem by John Odonohue and I believe it perfectly captures my experiences leading up to and since the moment I decided to take my leave of absence and persue my spiritual path. I'm excited to stop playing it safe and to step out on new ground. 

In out of the way places of the heart

Where your thoughts never think to wander

This beginning has been quietly formin

Waiting until you were ready to emerge.For a long time it has watched your desire

Feeling the emptiness grow inside you

Noticing how you willed yourself on

Still unable to leave what you had outgrown.It watched you play with the seduction of safety

And the grey promises that sameness whispered

Heard the waves of turmoil rise and relent

Wondered would you always live like this.Then the delight, when your courage kindled,

And out you stepped onto new ground,

Your eyes young again with energy and dream

A path of plenitude opening before you.Though your destination is not clear

You can trust the promise of this opening;

Unfurl yourself into the grace of beginning

That is one with your life’s desire.Awaken your spirit to adventure

Hold nothing back, learn to find ease in risk

Soon you will be home in a new rhythm

For your soul senses the world that awaits you.

Getting Started

I've never been one for blogging, but I'm really looking forward to starting here. My intentions with these posts are to keep my friends and family up to date with my travels as well as to keep a log of what I'm learning about my self and the world.